Masquerade

Music assures us that, at some point, we were not the only one who felt that way. Someone else has gone through all those happy highs, those shitty lows, those moments of absolute apathy, and put all that emotion into a song. And that song will speak to you because you are going through the same thing. 

Isn’t that enough to console you? That someone turned what you are feeling into something beautiful and useful?

I would classify myself as a happy person. I earn well, I stay in a nice place, and my time is at my disposal since I don’t need to go to the office. I have a loving partner and a great dog. My family is amazing and has always been supportive.

But I encounter little heartbreaks once in a while. Small pockets of loneliness. Twinges of self-pity. And all of these things pile on like musty blankets inside me until I am no longer big enough to ignore it.

Almost happy, almost content. But my head hurts.

My favorite part of the day is right now. Everything is quiet and misty outside. Inside, it’s just me browsing or typing with my hot beverage. Scratching my dog’s belly. Me thinking about the rest of the day.

It is a peaceful time, and I am calm.

When I become a mother, the first thing I will teach my kids is self-reliance. The ability to fend for themselves, basically. The ability to be resourceful, critical, and decisive. The right set of skills to be independent from his friends, lovers, relatives and ultimately - me.

I may be seemingly unforgiving in my methods but I will be confident that in the end I am giving them a gift.

There are so many young adults now, out of college already, who are still mooching off their parents. Why, the first thing I did when I was done with college was to move out! My parents hated it, but I am having the time of my life. Was I right in doing it? Yes and no. Yes because now I am a better, more resilient, and more responsible person. No because if I had waited…but that is the nature of hindsight. It comes too late.

So yes, from birth up to the end of college, I will train my children to rely on themselves. Then I’ll kick them out of the house.

I was crazy about Sims 3 for a while, but then I stopped. I set my character as an ambitious, intelligent, and multi-talented Sim. Day in and day out I went to the lab to earn money and get promotions. I spent my weekends writing books so I can earn royalties. I had a garden, but only because I had to level up my gardening skill to get higher up the career ladder (I’m in agriculture).

I spent a lot of time improving my house, buying appliances and furniture so I will have pleasant surroundings. I didn’t make any friends or lovers. I didn’t go to the theatre or bowling alley or to the beach. I just made money to better my life.

Then one day I had my birthday. It was my third birthday, the one where I became a senior citizen.

I was devastated. 

I didn’t have progeny, or a husband, or even something as basic as friends. I had a nice house but I only had around $2000 at the bank. I felt lost and loss. I spent my youth on pursuing material things and my career and at the end I had little else.

Makes a gal think.

I’ll tell you a secret. Blogging on my beauty blog drains the hell out of me. I want to write more, and in principle it is SO EASY, but when I sit down to do it I found I’ve spent two hours on the post already.

Must find a way to streamline operations. Scale.

Just thinking about what I have to do tomorrow already stresses me out. I have to leave early, which means I have to get the blogging and work quickly out of the way. Or maybe I should just bring my laptop? Or tablet?

The little dilemmas of my life.

Things to do tomorrow:

1. Meeting with a potential client. I wouldn’t normally do this with a non-fashion brand but since I’m in the area I can devote an hour to this.

2. Colour Collection lunch! They will be launching the University Tour to the press. I am honored to be part of the tour, super. I can’t wait to visit UST.

3. Meeting with a beauty brand who might be interested in partnering with Pinkbox. Bagay naman sila so why not choc nut?

I hope everything turns out well.

tracyayson:

What I wore last Monday when I had to do millions (ok, I’m exaggerating) of pullouts :)

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Seeing Pinkbox being worn by other people warms the cockles of my heart.